Do you ever think about how short life is?

I know you do when life forces you to. You lose someone close to you and hits you, (even more so if they’re young or it was unexpected). They’re here one day and then then the next they’re just gone. Irretrievable.  But then a little time passes and you start taking time and life for granted.

You watch your children grow before your very eyes, faster than you can even comprehend.  Time passes and you don’t even know where it all went. You forget little things, that at time meant so much. You remember them when you look at pictures or watch videos and you laugh and cry because you know time is moving faster than you want it to and they’re growing faster than you’re ready for.

Time is just so abstract, it’s here right now and then it’s gone. They always say, “live life to the fullest”.  I hate cliches. But I think about all of this a lot because I hate to feel like I’m wasting something I can never get back, I can’t buy time, I can’t borrow time.

In the last couple of years I’ve been able to reconcile with two people that I had a falling outs with. It’s hard to admit that because I want you to think that all of my relationships are perfect and that I’ve never done a thing to hurt anyone ever. But I have, I have hurt plenty of people, I’ve put myself first many times. With both mended relationships, I was reminded that it’s never too late to *try* to make it right (I say try because you need 2 people to reconcile) and that sometimes we need reminded that putting your pride aside before you don’t have a chance to is important.

And then people are just gone . They die or they’re far, you broke the relationship or they’re just not in your lie for whatever reason. And it’s hard to live with loss. But I guess you start to take things for granted if you never deal with loss. The loss reminds you of your life, it reminds you that life is short, until it doesn’t anymore.

Nobody knows how to say goodbye
It seems so easy ’til you try. 
Then the moments passed you by,
Nobody knows how to say goodbye

Nobody knows how the story ends
Live the day, doing what you can.

(Those lyrics from the Lumineers just played on Pandora, how timely.)

January makes me so introspective (and at times pretty melancholy) I don’t know where I was going with any of this. There was little direction. I don’t know where I started or ended, but here I am