Month: January 2019

It’s Just Been On My Mind

Do you ever think about how short life is?

I know you do when life forces you to. You lose someone close to you and hits you, (even more so if they’re young or it was unexpected). They’re here one day and then then the next they’re just gone. Irretrievable.  But then a little time passes and you start taking time and life for granted.

You watch your children grow before your very eyes, faster than you can even comprehend.  Time passes and you don’t even know where it all went. You forget little things, that at time meant so much. You remember them when you look at pictures or watch videos and you laugh and cry because you know time is moving faster than you want it to and they’re growing faster than you’re ready for.

Time is just so abstract, it’s here right now and then it’s gone. They always say, “live life to the fullest”.  I hate cliches. But I think about all of this a lot because I hate to feel like I’m wasting something I can never get back, I can’t buy time, I can’t borrow time.

In the last couple of years I’ve been able to reconcile with two people that I had a falling outs with. It’s hard to admit that because I want you to think that all of my relationships are perfect and that I’ve never done a thing to hurt anyone ever. But I have, I have hurt plenty of people, I’ve put myself first many times. With both mended relationships, I was reminded that it’s never too late to *try* to make it right (I say try because you need 2 people to reconcile) and that sometimes we need reminded that putting your pride aside before you don’t have a chance to is important.

And then people are just gone . They die or they’re far, you broke the relationship or they’re just not in your lie for whatever reason. And it’s hard to live with loss. But I guess you start to take things for granted if you never deal with loss. The loss reminds you of your life, it reminds you that life is short, until it doesn’t anymore.

Nobody knows how to say goodbye
It seems so easy ’til you try. 
Then the moments passed you by,
Nobody knows how to say goodbye

Nobody knows how the story ends
Live the day, doing what you can.

(Those lyrics from the Lumineers just played on Pandora, how timely.)

January makes me so introspective (and at times pretty melancholy) I don’t know where I was going with any of this. There was little direction. I don’t know where I started or ended, but here I am

A Day in the life of Isha

Well, you (Zakk) asked and so here it is. This was harder to do than I imagined. First of all, all the times were approximate. I did not come and write down everything I did and eventually I gave up writing it all down, not every single nuance of the day is recorded. This was also the WORST day of my week I considered redoing this and picking  a better day. But I want to be honest, real and in the spirit of being more vulnerable, I want to share it.

It was stressful and I didn’t handle everything well. As I was look back over it, I’m like oh boy, I can’t wait for the perfect parent to read this and judge me for letting my kid have screen time or for not forcing them to eat the dinner I made. Also we ate dinner in front of the TV this night, you’ll understand why when you get to that point..  So if you’re a perfect parent, we probably shouldn’t even be friends (my kids love “screen time” and love “the girl with the read hair” aka Wendy’s).

12:30 AM-I think I finally fell asleep.
2 times throughout the night (I think, maybe more?) Alexandria woke to nurse.

6:55 am- My alarm goes off. I come downstairs and throw some breakfast sausage on the cast iron to start cooking for Henry, I grab him a plate, open a yogurt, shell some pistachios, pour some milk. I run upstairs and carry him and his clothes downstairs. I help him get dressed (he’s not a morning person), I turn the sausages, he gets his shoes on, I do his hair, he sits at the table and stares into space. I ask him to take a bite at least 500 times. I get his sausages on his plate and continue to ask him to eat so he doesn’t starve all day. He eats at a snail’s pace. I make coffee and talk to him.

7:20 am- We leave for school, we say morning prayers and he asks me what the red arm on the speedometer does, so we talk about speed limits and why they’re important.

7:35- I get back and both girls are both awake. Josh gets ready for work,leaves and I make them breakfast.

7:45- I turn PBS on, get some coffee and sit down with a book for my “spiritually” focused time. I immediately stop because I realize I didn’t get dinner in the crock pot. I get up, do that. Today it was Cheesy Chicken Rice+broccoli . After that, I sit back down for my quiet time.

8:30-We turn the “Trolls” music station on Pandora any have a dance party.

8:45-I realize I haven’t eaten, I grab my overnight oats and eat (feed Alexandria my oats)

9:00- We read 500 books.

9:30- We play family. I’m the baby and Peyton is the mommy. I get to “take a nap” and be read to. I remember that being a kid is the best.

10:15- I put 2 baskets of laundry away.

10:30- I help Peyton practice writing her name.

11:00- I make an early lunch for P and A because A is very tired and ready for a nap. I set up some quiet time activities for Peyton to do while Alexandria naps (Kinetic sand, coloring, etc).

11:10-I try to convince Alexandria to eat, she doesn’t want to.

(this is when I stopped keeping track of time, the rest are approximate times).

11:45?-I take Alexandria upstairs to nap. She nurses and falls asleep. I come downstairs and  sort/fold a bunch of laundry while listening to an audio book (The Tattooist of Auschwitz). I clear the table off, look through some paper work, organize the entertainment center, run some more laundry. Peyton is still playing quietly so I piddle around the house, organizing things. Do some texting and planning about some things at church with the religious ed director, texted with another friend about how I fail at some things (true story, I’m not perfect) but how I’m really recognizing those moments and striving to be better. She (APRIL!) was so supportive and offered some helpful advice, as usual.

At some point Alexandria woke up.

2:30ish-Henry gets off the bus. I let him watch some PBS. They all have a snack around this time.

3:00- I work on homework with Henry. We talk about some things, I don’t handle this in-depth convo well, his feelings are hurt in it and so we have 2nd conversation where I am a much better parent. This is a long story I don’t want to go into. Parenting is hard sometimes. I’m seriously so thankful he’s a kid with a big heart. This left me feeling pretty emotionally depleted, and basically like a failure.

3:30-We all get ready to leave for the indoor playground. I’m sure I asked them to get their shoes on 500 times.

4:00- We leave for the playground, rocking to Veggie Tails along the way.

4:15- We arrive, the kids all go play.

4:30- A big kid barrels into Alexandria knocking her back hard, she hits the back of her head on the floor and bawls. I hold her for a good 20 minutes (slightly worried about her head). This kid/his mom/baby sitter? never comes to ask if the baby he just plowed through is okay (this really bothers me at the time)….however, she seems to be just fine, acts normal, but doesn’t want to go play.

4:45-One of my children has a small accident, because they waited a wee too long to go potty. Unfortunately I have no change of clothes for them and so I let them know we will have to leave. They are upset because they’re not ready to leave. As we are walking back into the play area, I open the door and Peyton’s toe gets caught under the door and rips a nice hole in her toe which immediately starts bleeding. She’s in a significant amount of pain, I’m holding the baby and trying to help blood not drip on the floor, looking for Henry who has run off to play. The lady working, helps get me some things and gets Henry who has run off in the play area. Henry gathers all of our things, Peyton cries, Alexandria has run off to climb on top of a table. It was chaotic, stressful. I did manage to keep it together and comfort Peyton. We eventually leave, I carry both girls out to the car, good thing I’ve been working out, (I am still winded though) and we head home.

5:15- I call Josh on the way home and let him know (while in tears) that Peyton’s toe looks pretty unfun and he should probably come home to help me determine if she needs,  to go somewhere to have it checked out. I hold Peyton’s hand the whole way home and tell her she can pick a movie out (she picks Big Hero 6) when we get home.

5:30- We get home, Josh gets home shortly after. We get everyone on the couch, we are examining Peyton’s toe, I’m pretty much done emotionally and it’s showing . Josh and I are both short with each other, Peyton cries off and on because she just wants a bandaid on. I talk to the doctor and a friend who recently went through a broken toe with her daughter.  We all determine Peyton should be fine that night, get her all taken care of and decide to reassess later (Update: her toe is fine and shes able to wear a shoe and walk).

5:45-6- Josh and I finish up making dinner, we cuddle Peyton on the couch, try to convince the kids to eat dinner. I ended up making Peyton peanut butter and jelly (+ applesauce), she’s overtired and hurt, I just want her to have something in her tummy before bed. We cuddle on the couch until the movie is over.

7:30-We all go upstairs to get them ready for bed.

7:40- I head out to the gym while Josh finishes bedtime routine. I do an arm workout that leaves me sore for 2 days (at least) and do 30 minutes of cardio, hoping it will help me release some stress from the day.

9:00- The cardio didn’t help. I get home and cry. Then I shower, I go in and kiss a sleeping Henry and Peyton, I sing from one of their favorite books, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be,”  and get Alexandria to bed. My mind races, my heart is sad. I try to read but I can’t focus. I try to pray but I can’t focus. I go over the whole day and how I failed my 3 sweet little gifts and my 1 big gift (even though a lot of it was out of my control). I think about how short I was with Josh, how I lost my temper with him. I basically just beat myself up for an hour.

10/11:00 (idk when)-I come downstairs, Josh has fallen asleep on the couch, but Henry comes downstairs and asks for a cuddle, so he heads up.  I get my prayer journal out. I write down every single thing that happened, that’s upsetting me, all the things I did wrong, everything I learned and how I can do better the next day. I finish a bag of popcorn while I’m doing this because duh, stress eating. I think about how tomorrow I can do a lot of things better and that I will do them better ( and I do. The day is full of almost all good things).  I ask Jesus for Mercy.

Eventually I get to sleep around midnight?

I wake up to a new day.

 

My Favorite Books from 2018

I asked what people would like to read about and of course “BOOKS!” were mentioned, because my friends are awesome. Last year Josh challenged me to read 100 books. I don’t know if he was joking but I took him up on that challenge. It was all going well until I hit a reading rut in August/September and suddenly I was 10 books behind! I rallied and ended up reading 101 books. Here are some of my favorites that I read (or reread) last year.

 

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
3.5/5 stars

Okay, I’m not really sure if I’m recommending this book. I really can’t decide. gRegor and I decided to read this together because it was on both of our to-read lists. It took me a couple weeks to plow through (it took gRegor a little bit longer ;)). Anyway, bear with me. Have you seen the movie Simon Birch? That movie is loosely based on this book. I’ve yet to rewatch it since reading this book (we had it on VHS tape back in the day!). This book is VERY long, it was probably the longest book I read last year (it sure felt like the longest book I’ve EVER read, but I think a couple Harry Potter books are longer).  The journey that Owen and his friends take is a long one, full of many twists and turns. It’s quite a spiritual journey, for more than one character. But never has any book come together at the end like this one did. It really kinda blew me away and made me a tad jealous that I would basically never be able to come up with something quite as epic. I didn’t love or hate it, part of the time I was just trying to get through it. But I also think some people really enjoy the more detailed/lots of stories in one big epic novel. If you love that, this one is for you. If you’re trying to read a ton of books this year, then wait.

 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
4/5 stars

The main character Starr, a 16 year old,  African American girl who lives in 2 different worlds, her prep school world (basically an all white school) and her home life which at times can be scary (drive by shootings, drug dealers, etc). The story follows the ups and downs of both of her worlds. You see her transform into to a bold, brave girl who faces the racial tensions in each of her worlds head on. Everyone should read this book. I think often times we don’t know how to relate to other people because we haven’t walked in their shoes. This book is a great way to walk in Starr’s shoes, rasee how racism is alive and scary. Quick, easy, educational read. It is now a major motion picture.

Divine Mercy for Moms by Michelle Faehnle and Emily Jaminet & Saint John Paul the Great: Five Great Loves by Jason Evert
5/5 stars & 5/5 Stars

I’m pretty sure I’ve blogged about this book before, it’s probably one of my favorite books of all time. While “Divine Mercy” is generally a Catholic topic, don’t let that scare you off.  I’ve read this book twice and both times felt like the first time. It truly helps me be a better mother, a better spouse, a better person. Mercy isn’t always easy to give, but it’s certainly something God is always waiting to give us. This book helps you find ways to live out your calling with more grace, purpose and mercy (for yourself and others). I may just go ahead and read it again this year. I put these together because they’re 2 peas in a pod. Saint John Paul II really brought the message of Divine Mercy to fruition for the church and he canonized Saint Faustina (who received and shared the message of Divine Mercy). In this book you’ll read about who JPII was. He was more than just the Pope. You don’t need to be Catholic to enjoy this one (besides he was so greatly loved by people of walks of life). His life was truly inspiring and he was brilliant! I credit JPII on my path to forgiveness.

 


The Great Alone by Kristen Hannah
5/5 Stars

When people ask me what was my favorite book last year or what book they should read next? This book is always the first one to come to mind (funny because a couple years ago, Hannah’s book The Nightingale was my #1!). I LOVED this book. Why do I love reading? Because I’m usually half lost in some story half the day. When I’m not reading a book it’s like half my brain isn’t in use.  And every so often a book really digs in deep, like this one.  Anyway, this book was just so rich in detail that I was totally absorbed. It is set in Alaska and it made me want to go there and experience it for myself (although Alaskan winters? Not so much). I didn’t know much about Alaska but oh my gosh! It sounds incredible and kinda scary. After I finished this book I added a bunch of Alaska shows to my list on Netflix (none of which I have watched yet because the whole reading 101 books last year ruled my free time). Anyway, the book follows a young girl and her unstable parents as they pick up and move to Alaska. Her father is abusive and her mother basically enables him. I will reread this book one day. (I also reread The Nightingale last year, go read that one too. WWII, historical fiction).


Birding Is My Favorite Video Game By Rosemary Mosco
4/5 stars

If you know me (or drive with me) you know I’m a bit of bird nerd (I blame Josh). I’ve constantly got my eyes on the lookout for birds (not crows and the like but hawks, Eagles, Bluebirds, anything you don’t see every day). Last year we even had an Eagle at our house, it was awesome. Anyway, my friend Cam got this book for me (thanks!). It is comic book like and very clever. I laughed out loud at times and even learned a thing or two. It was a fun, quick and educational read. Get outside, read and find a new to you bird.

 

Lethal White by Robert Galbraith  (aka JK Rowling)
5/5 Stars

Another favorite from last year was the next book in The Cormoran Strike series. While I didn’t LOVE the first in this series I have loved the rest. They are mysteries by heart and will at least call to mind that mystery from Harry Potter when you just couldn’t figure out who the bad guy was. But the characters (Cormoran and Robin) will be what keep you coming back for more). Cormoran is a detective, Robin has joined his practice and they’re also working through lots of personal problems and trying to sort out what in the world they/each other are feeling. It will also leave you wanting fish and chips (from a legit pub). I don’t  know what else to say without spoiling it. Go start the first book!

 

If you’re not on Goodreads and you love (or even just like) books you should join! Do you have any recommendations for me? Good luck on your 2019 reading goals (I just finished my 2nd book of the year yesterday!).

Here’s to 2019!

Ah, yes, new year, new blog post. But hopefully more than 2 blog posts in 2019. I mean, I’m not sure anyone even reads this anymore. But my fingers march on. I do hope to write more this year. What has kept me from blogging this past year? Basically not feeling like I can be vulnerable. Good news, though. Last year I read a book about being more vulnerable, I’m going to try it out, so please be kind if you decide to ever respond to my posts. 😉

Last year I feel like I did a good job of meeting my goals. Okay…at least one goal. My reading goal was 100 books. I read 101 books. I know, I know….,”Isha, how you do you find time read so much.” Really what you should ask yourself is, “Why aren’t I reading more?” I didn’t watch any TV, stayed up too late reading and had no life outside of books and my family, ha. Reading 100 books wasn’t easy. It would’ve been much easier had I not been 10 books behind schedule in September. I then had to kick my butt into gear. I listened to many audio books and read some short blah books. But I did it! And that will not be my goal again, until my children have grown and left and I’m old lady bookworm. I hope to only read great books this year and not feel forced to read at times.

I honestly don’t remember my other resolutions and hopes for last year. But here are some I have for 2019:

  • Listen more/talk less
  • Depend on my phone less
  • Less fast food/junk
  • Gain muscle back/feel fit
  • Deny myself (I tend to indulge my every whim)
  • Slow down, experience more, don’t rush life
  • Spend less money on inconsequential things
  • Blog/journal more/not care what people thing about my writing
  • Learn photoshop  or lightroom
  • Read 60 books

Here are some bucket list items for the year:

  • Visit Yogi Bear in Bloomington
  • Attend  the Holy Family Catholic Conference
  • Michigan
  • Take the kids on the Polar Express
  • New Windows for the house
  • Paint/decorate the kid’s rooms (we will hopefully finally get around to doing this!)
  • Mulch and plant the front flower beds (and then actually take care of them, this is all new to me!)
  • Try a new cuisine
  • Visit a new state/destination
  • Take H & P to a Pacers game

On top of these fun things, my best friend is getting married! This will be my most favorite event of the year and I can’t wait to see her walking down the aisle to her groom who will be bawling his eyes out.

Above all, I pray we find joy every day in the simple.  What are your 2019 hopes and goals?

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